We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
