Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
