Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
