Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
