i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
