do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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