At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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