My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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