Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
