Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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