look no pants
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
