he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
