i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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