Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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