The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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