6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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