At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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