the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
