My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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