All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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