Four minutes until I can fart!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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