People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
