I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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