i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
