I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
