Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
