the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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