Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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