You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i think i just lost a toe
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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