Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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