My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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