So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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