I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
