I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
