So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
