Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I forget how to act sober
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
