Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
