I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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