Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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