Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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