oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Duck Duck Cougar?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
