A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
