hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
