All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
