In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
