It was confusing and full of hummus
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
