imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I love you. Go after that dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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