well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I look better un-naked...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
