Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can you bring me the toilet please
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
