I faked an abortion last night.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
