I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
