The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
