I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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