He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
