do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
false alarm. still invincible.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
