dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
