His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
