Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
too bad you live with your parents still
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
