As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
