after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
