why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize