Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
